Feed Your Inner Beast with These Weird Erotica Books

Everyone Needs a Little Lovin’

5/18/2016

Weirdest Erotica

Warning: This post contains references to explicit sexual content intended for mature readers who aren’t easily offended shocked squicked out.

“Dino erotica . . . is that dino on dino?”

“No, it’s dino and humans. Well, except the one time it was dino on car.”

Welcome to the world of weird erotica, my friends. There’s an erotica book for just about anything you can think of—plus more than you ever thought possible—and this post aims to usher you into a place that will change the way you look at erotica forever.

Just don’t expect it to be for the better.

If there’s one thing you can always count on in weird erotica, it’s that the penis is huge. Length-of-a-forearm large. Breach-her-cervix massive. And there’s no better example of this than our first weirdest piece of erotica.

1. The Stone God by Celia Demure


The Stone God by Celia DemureIn a desperate city, in an ancient time . . . a young noblewoman offers herself as mate to the god of fertility, in order to save her people from plague and starvation.

In the darkest depths of his temple, the mammoth statue of the fertility god rests . . . a Stone God.

She will submit to him, and pray for his desire and love, in order to save her people . . . and find fulfillment for herself.

A starkly powerful, unique work of mythical fantasy erotica.

As erotica book descriptions go, The Stone God’s is relatively benign. What it won’t tell you, however, is that the stone god doesn’t have just any ordinarily large penis; his is twenty-four inches of rock-hard, um . . . hard rock.

Being chosen as the virginal sacrifice must have been a terrifying prospect. Especially when the rest of your people are getting their orgy on in the temple while you climb on up for the ride of your life. As in, it could very easily be the first and last ride you ever take.

Twenty-four inches. Two feet. Is there pleasure in being speared by so much rock that your lungs get crushed? Well, that’s a question only The Stone God can answer.

At only 99 cents on Amazon, now you, too, can see if our young noblewoman was able to successfully mate with the stone god and save her people from plague and starvation.

2. I’ve Fallen and there’s a Tentacle in my Butt by Edward Naughty

I've Fallen and there's a Tentacle in my Butt by Edward NaughtyThere was a mishap in a lab during a sexual experiment that was being conducted on a naked young woman. A door that contained a creature with tentacles had cracked open by mistake. The monster became enraged when the test subject couldn’t continue to orgasm and smashed the door open. The lab technicians tried to get the monster under control and in the process severed one of its tentacles. The tentacle escaped from the lab to the outside world. The scientist conducting the experiment rushed out after the tentacle. She knew that if she didn’t catch the tentacle before it could find a human host, then it would spawn another creature and the city would be in danger. Will she find the tentacle before it nestles in some unsuspecting person’s warm orifice?

With a cover that’s truly classic, I’ve Fallen and there’s a Tentacle in my Butt manages to deliver exactly what the title promises—and not much else. But if you were honestly expecting something more, you don’t understand the monster erotica genre as well as the rest of us.

If the prospect of “Oops, there seems to be a tentacle in my butt” doesn’t appeal to you, don’t give up on tentacles yet. They’re just looking for a little lovin’. And our next author knows how to make it right.

3. Taken by the Tentacles by CJ Smalls

Taken by the Tentacles by CJ SmallsJane has wanted Rick since she first saw him in her college World History class, and at the frat party, she finally gets her chance. Things go great! They dance, and it’s clear he wants her. She wants nothing more than to have red-hot hardcore sex with him, so when he invites her back to his place, she jumps on the chance. When they get started, though, something changes. Before she knows it, Rick is held by tentacles and made to watch as some kind of alien monster has its way with Jane! It’s a scorching sex encounter, and there’s no way out. Of course, Jane discovers soon enough that tentacles are a lot more flexible than cocks. It isn’t long before this college girl is transformed into a tentacle sex slut!

Warning: This ebook contains very explicit descriptions of sexual activity during an alien monster sex encounter. It includes tentacle sex, tentacle bondage, deepthroat, anal sex, and double penetration. It is intended for mature readers who will not be offended by graphic depictions of sex acts between consenting adults.

Here’s what you may not understand about tentacle erotica: Once the tentacle has you, you’re a tentacle fan for life. You may just not realize it until an innocent-looking houseplant rises up and takes you.

Take the plunge with a little tentacle erotica—CJ Smalls has a collection of tentacle sex encounters, including Taken by the Tentacles, guaranteed to make you rethink your stance on the tentacle.

4. The Monster in my Pants by John Lee Macker

The Monster in my Pants by J.L. MackerZack is 23 years old, and his greatest fear in the world is that he will die a virgin. This is a man that has tried everything he could to get laid, but his real problem is he was cursed with a small dick. He presents his “problem” to a female doctor that’s substituting for his usual one. She’s a hot babe with the biggest titties ever, and she’s the first woman he’s met that is at all sympathetic. On a long shot, Zack tries to get a date out of her. To his shock, she does think about it.

The next thing he knows she’s sneaking him risky experimental drugs that should help increase his size. The results seem too good to be true at first, but there are unexpected side effects. Zack’s life will forever be changed by the drugs and by his encounters with the doctor that brought them into his life.

Although The Monster in my Pants doesn’t seem to be available for purchase anymore, it’s worth the mention for being one of the most scarring and memorable erotica books I’ve ever read.

You see, Zack’s small dick is a problem because his small dick is half an inch. (Micro penises are real, by the way. Haven’t you ever seen New Girl?) I’m sure you’re thinking, “Yes, Amanda, but you said that erotica is all about the monster penis.” I did say that, and you haven’t let me finish.

So rude.

Zack is so consumed by fear over dying a virgin that he invests in some penile-enhancing drugs. While it may work for some people, all it does for Zack is turn his penis into a monster that consumes him.

Yes. His penis grows so large and monstrous that it eats him.

5. Fuckin’ Werewolf by Barbie Lez

Fuckin' Werewolf by Barbie LezBased in reality with a few fantasy elements, Fuckin’ Werewolf tells the story of Barbie Lez—an 18-year-old lesbian virgin—and her girlfriend Candy as they stroll through the park on the night of the full moon. Barbie’s plan to finally lose her virginity is soon ruined when Candy gets attacked by a mysterious beast. She miraculously survives, but the young couple soon realizes she did not remain untouched as, a month later, she turns into a wolf . . . a male wolf! Can Barbie resist the urge to feel her girlfriend’s large canine cock inside her?

Find out in this short story about perverse desires.

READER ADVISORY: Contains hardcore sex acts, sexually explicit language and lesbian/bestial behavior.

If you’re wondering, “Can these books get any weirder?” the answer is yes. Yes, they can. If the phrase “interspecies cum cocktail” doesn’t do it for you, let’s take a look at the premise of this book.

A lesbian couple on the cusp of consummating their relationship goes for a nighttime walk in the woods. Okay, that’s pretty normal. But then one of them gets attacked by a werewolf. In fantasy terms, that’s not really out of the norm, either.

But then one of them turns into a werewolf . . . a male werewolf. Because how else are you going to get a monster male appendage into the story? Our female-turned-male-werewolf boasts an 18-incher. It’s no stone god, of course, but for her virgin girlfriend—whose virginity is mentioned so many times you could make a drinking game out of it—it works.

For the most part.

Lucky for you, Fuckin’ Werewolf is available for purchase on Smashwords.

6. Slammed by Santa by Bytch Williams

Slammed by Santa by Bytch WilliamsGet ready for an X-Rated Xmas!

WARNING! NOT FOR THOSE UNDER 18! EXTREME EROTICA!

Santa Claus has to make his annual trip around the world—but what fun would that be if he didn’t knock his festive boots with a woman from every continent as he made his way? Mr. Kringle’s relentless North Pole won’t be satisfied until he’s delivered it to every naughty girl on the planet. Fly with him from place to place as he samples the wares of women from around the globe in the third book from Bytch Williams—a book filled with as much laughs as it has steamy action!

Once you read Slammed by Santa, you’ll never view Santa the same way again. With quality lines like “I jizzed the jizz of ten Santas, plus two!” your fond childhood memories will forever be ruined.

But Santa’s “little reindeer” is (apparently) far more satisfying than any other present, if you believe the book. He speaks like a wannabe gangsta who thinks he’s God’s gift to women. If his red pants hang below his ass, I wouldn’t be surprised.

When you need a little Santa erotica to boost your Christmas spirit, look no further than Slammed by Santa.

7. A Trillionaire Triceratops Violated My Volvo by Randall Edgar Reynolds

A Trillionaire Triceratops Violated My Volvo vy Randall Edgar ReynoldsWhen super-wealthy dinosaurs from the planet Gargachoy make their way to Earth, they seem to have one thing on their minds: getting it on. With our automobiles. And while things are getting hot and heavy in the garage, a few of them may even find love.

Dino erotica was all the rage a few years ago, but nothing quite tops it like A Trillionaire Triceratops Violated My Volvo. This is dino-car erotica at its finest. Purported to be the first part of the Dinosaurs Loving Cars Saga, it doesn’t seem to have ever gone beyond that, nor is it available any longer.

We’ve truly lost quality weird erotica here. You’re not going to find Ayn Rand quotes melodiously slipped into the prose in any other erotica. And I’d know.

If you’re wondering how the dino-car coupling works, think on it and let me know what you come up with. It’s more fun that way. For me.

8. Operation: Whet the Pussy by Mandie Nicole

Operation: Whet the Pussy by Mandie NicoleWhen your vibrator no longer gets the job done, what’s a woman to do?

Abby puts out a personal ad and hopes to find someone who will satisfy her craving, and that’s how Operation: Whet the Pussy was born.

But it’s not a quick search, and Abby’s met with a number of failures before finding sex in the most unlikely of places.

Warning: This book contains a woman unafraid of wearing easy-access skirts and a giraffe shifter looking for his one true mate. Beware: his tongue might make you a believer, too.

Why go the traditional shifter route when you can have a giraffe shifter? Forget werewolves. (Sorry, Fuckin’ Werewolf.) Giraffes are where it’s at. Apparently.

Built for second-story creeping, giraffes also excel at using their tongues in imaginative (okay, not that imaginative) ways. Giraffe tongues are long and . . . well, maybe not hard, but it’s about how you use ’em, amirite?

Let this giraffe shifter be your gateway into odd shifter erotica. Next thing you know, you’ll be clamoring for a shark shifter erotica. Where teeth are used for good. (We’d hope.)

9. Cum for Bigfoot by Virginia Wade

Cum for Bigfoot by Virginia WadeIf you go into the woods today . . .

On a weeklong outing in Mt. Hood National Forest, what begins as a flirty, fun-filled trip soon turns into a nightmare, when an ape-like creature kidnaps a group of teen girls with the purpose of procreating with them.

This story contains oral sex, fingering, forced consent, penetration with a large object, and ménage à trois. All characters are eighteen and above. Adult 18+

It wouldn’t be a list of weird erotica without the inclusion of Bigfoot. While there’s plenty of Bigfoot erotica available (ladies apparently love Bigfoot, just as Bigfoot loves the ladies), I had to choose this one, not for its title (although it’s quite spot on), but for Leonard.

Leonard the Bigfoot, who has his mother help lube women up mid-coitus. If that’s not terrifying enough for you, I suggest The Monster in My Pants.

Much like tentacles, most women don’t see the value in Bigfoot or his large appendage until they’re locked in the lair with him. And now you, too, can enjoy Cum for Bigfoot. It’s free on Smashwords.

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Amanda Shofner

Amanda Shofner satisfies her desire for adventure with the written word and helps others do the same. Currently writing romantic suspense.

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